Another satisfied reader

Coming to a pet shop near you

I have been overwhelmed with responses to my blog "Ann Summers haste hath too short a lease". Responses have included

Steptoe
You dirty old *unt

You know who
Dithgwaceful

Red Bush
Why would Dean want to put batteries into a rabbit’s bottom? That’s just silly, Matt

Buuuuuud
Wil b suppling further material for ur merriment in due course (I couldn’t understand it, either)

Mrs Osbourne
Stop calling us the Osbourne’s or Ozzy will come and chin you.

Ming
That was very funny Matt, just don’t tell Helen I thought so.

Dean
I’ll see you outside

Good to see I’ve struck the right note as per usual.

Scorchio

Ashley Giles with a strategically placed hose (covering his cock)

You will all be delighted to know that the Osbourne’s are off to Greece on holiday next week. They have either got a thirst for knowledge or for Keo – one or t’other, and have purchased an Ipod to save having to watch the films on their Air Cymru flight on Monday. We set them up with I-tunes when we visited recently, and showed Susan how it all worked but on his only attempt at uploading a CD thus far, all the CD data came out in some oriental font. However, as Susan was uploading the Best of the Vapors (an even more extensive work than the Stereophonics Greatest Hits), one can hardly be surprised. Bon voyage, as we say in N.21 Or should that be buono estente?

Ann Summers haste hath too short a lease

It’s all to do with the ears apparently.

“I can’t seem to get the batteries in the bottom, Sar”.

Our dear chum Buuuuuud called last week to see if I was thirsty, but unfortunately on this occasion I had other plans. I say I had other plans, although to be more specific, Liz did, as I have been applying paint to our bedroom for the last fortnight like it’s going out of fashion. Anyway, my being confined to the bedroom neatly brings me on to the recent activities of Buuuuud & Dean, of whom not a lot has been heard of late, and when she telephoned, all became apparent. In short, Dean had brought Sarah a rabbit to keep the cat company, and she has been at home playing with it all summer. Apparently, the new addition to the family brings a rosy glow to her cheeks on a daily basis (twice on Saturday’s) and they have named the rabbit “Floss” (bless).

On top of that, her department is in the process of being revamped at work, which has probably been a worry. As a result, it all seems to have been too much for Sarah, who commented to me regarding her recent hectic schedule “Do you know Matt, some days I don’t know whether I’m coming or going”. For once, even I was lost for words. One can only hope that the rabbit doesn’t give Sarah’s pussy myxomatosis. Now, that would be tragic.

Sober's joke of the day

Ken Dodd

Q: Why is an old person like a slinky?

A: Because although they’re not much to look at, you can’t help but laugh when they fall down the stairs.

As ever, the older he get’s, the greater the quality of the output. Or not, if you’re of a sensitive or tasteful disposition.