Mad as hatters

Steptoe lead the way in 1996 by going hatless, as we may fondly recall.

Just in case you missed the widely reported news concerning our alma mater, you might have missed the news that the tradition of the throwing of mortarboards has effectively banned henceforth on the grounds that it can “damage the hats and cause injury”. At time of writing, there were 23 news articles on Google News, none of which will show Anglia in a good light. To be fair, the Anglia homepage states that

"Anglia Ruskin University has not banned hat throwing at Graduation ceremonies. However, we have advised students to be careful since a student had to be hospitalised after he was struck on the head by a hat several years ago."

However, in spite of this effort at damage limitation by Anglia, for once even your correspondent is lost for words.

It's good to text

I thought you might like to read a few of the text messages I received yesterday evening following Manchester United being crowned Champions of Europe last night.

Sober
Budgens Tikka Masala, a four pack of Skol and Man Unt vs Chelsea. Wednesday night in Winchmore Hill. Ha ha

Steptoe (upon receiving my commiserations)
Don’t worry. Once it’s all sunk in, there are plenty of things to talk about from the match. And congratulations. Nice touch Sir Bobby going up to get the cup.

Captain Cunto (who doesn’t do football very much, being more of a hockey man)
Who are ya! Who arebya! We are the red and whites. Isn’t Terry crap….

Sheteeeve (in a sympathetic mood)
Terry the dirty cunt fucked it up. That makes me happy. Well done.

Anita (who has no full stop on her keypad)
Congrats for last night was brilliant night should set you up for the weekend

Quite what I am expected to do at the weekend I am not sure of, but I’m sure the wife will let me know when she has decided what I am doing. And I though Shteeeve was particularly sympathetic to Chelsea's plight, sentiment I am sure you all feel too.

Blue is the colour? One way or the other, it will be.

Red Square, but hopefuly not red-faced

Drogba

One of Peter’s Friends is skiving form school today to attend a football match (not for the first time, you may recall), and has gone to mow in Red Square with an official Chelski tour group. But whereas my footballing heart is in Moscow today, my lazy arse will be found in N.21 indoors with ‘er indoors, opting for the Sky coverage this evening as opposed to the lousy coverage one invariably gets on ITV. In the spirit of fairness, I should say may the best team win, and if the best team wins, neither of us can have any complaints. Providing, of course, that Didier Louganis doesn’t start throwing himself around the penalty area, we have every chance that the game will be a cracker. I had to get a good one in though, didn’t I?

Up the junction (and up shit creek)

Things can only get better

Guess who’s being made to dress up as a toff against her better instincts and flog a dead horse to the people of Crewe prior to the by-election? It would be indelicate to say (careless talk costs jobs etc), but suffice as to say that Comrade Brick (Herald of the Red Dawn) wasn’t much up for fight when I spoke to her on the election trail earlier today. Still, at least she’s staying in a good hotel, and has Cherie Blair’s memoirs for the train journey home…..

Merciless

Hoodwinked by a BOGOF offer?

Just in case you haven’t had the opportunity to watch the latest Specsavers advert, you might have missed a friend of Peter in active pursuit of International Rescue…..

Get your rocks off

Everything comes to she who says yes

Ming last Thursday night, bearing up under the shock of the cost of the ring

I don’t know how to put this without unleashing a collective snigger, but would anyone like to see Bush’s ring? Well, by looking directly upwards, you too can have your curiosity satisfied and have a look at what Ming managed to extract from the vaults of Hatton Gardens finest jewellers, Ratners. Well, not really - It’s an antique, apparently. Anyway, having examined Bush’s ring close up, I can readily attest to its beauty. Bush has even had her hands manicured to show the ring off to greatest effect. There’s a first time for everything, as Bush said the other day, causing much raising of eyebrows by the merciless one.

In the next issue of “Would anyone like to see…..”, we shall be examining the contents of Shteeeeve’s toolbox. Something to look forward to there, then.

On me deputy head, son.

Like Father, like son. Steptoe & Damon Albarn (in the headband)

He presented a formidable barrier against a side featuring Steve Harris, Steven Street & Damon, amongst others too obscure to identify.

Parklife. Or more specifically, I should say, in the back garden of the Iron Maiden bass player Steve Harris in deepest darkest Essex, which comes with a full-sized football pitch, changing rooms and a pub laiden with guitars and gold discs in true rock-god stylie, you will be unsurprised to read. The match was played on Sunday 4th May 1997 (Star Wars day as it is known in these parts), and Steptoe displayed the wisdom of Yoda to invite David Bailey along to photograph the occasion. However, as he wasn't free, I brought along my point and shoot and came up with these photographic masterpieces which I am reproducing here after being petitioned so to do. As regular readers will readily attest, I don't usually do "requests", but as his football team managed to fail to win the league at the weekend, it's the least I can do to offer some solace. Steptoe may, of course, enjoy batter luck in Moscow next week. Whatever happens, he will be there to witness it in person, I understand. I hope these bring back happy memories - days like this don't happen every day.

Race for life – Better late than never

They even get their hair cut at the same place as well, you know.

Just in case you are feeling charitable, Bush & Comrade Ralli ran the Race For Life last week. As they’re not pushy, they may not have harangued you for money. It may already be the case that you have innumerable friends who run the Race For Life who you already dutifully sponsor. However, just in case you don’t, and want to give, a click to the following link will enable you to donate what you so wish to do.